A New Beginning

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
― George Bernard Shaw

Today, I’ve accomplished something I never actually believed I could. Today, I passed my test to become a CNA. I’ve had many dreams in my life. Whenever I was small, I wanted to be a teacher or an actress. I wanted to be a singer (and I think we’re all grateful that this one never happened). I wanted to be a vet or an astronaut. I had dreams to be on the NYT Best Seller list by the age of 21 (a dream I’ve only missed by 6 years…and counting…)

Recently, I discovered another dream. Now, I dream of being an RN. I have it all planned out. First, I’ll become a CNA (Check). Then, I’ll become an LPN. And finally, I’ll become an RN. Now, I know that I don’t have to go through all of these steps. I can just go straight for my RN. Still…it feels like more of an accomplishment to do it this way. And to think…just a year ago, my goal was to be a store manager for Dollar General. So…how did I get here?

I was working late one night. On the way home, I decided to stop for gas. For some reason, I looked through the window before I pulled away. Seeing a friend of mine, I left my car to go and talk with him. Ten minutes later, I was heading home. I came upon an accident in which one person had died and another was hospitalized. I beat the ambulance and police to the scene by about 10 minutes. Still, I sat in my car. I was stuck there for hours until the scene was cleaned up enough that the police would let me pass.

Now…a slightly unknown fact is that I know CPR. So, the next day–having learned that one of the drivers had died before the ambulance arrived–I was filled with guilt. I had stayed in my car. What if I could have saved him? What if CPR would have been enough to keep him hanging on until the ambulance got there? And why wasn’t it me? Because…you know, it takes the police about 10 minutes to get to the scene of an accident. This means that it had happened 10 minutes before I got there. That means that, had I not stopped to talk to my friend, I would have been there at the time of the accident and it might have been me.

I battled with a lot of guilt for quite some time. It made it difficult for me to live with myself. Why him and why me?

I couldn’t let what seemed like a second chance go to waste. So, I decided that I would quite retail and find my way into a career of helping others. This is what made me go into nursing and this is what gave me the goal of becoming an RN…maybe even a Nurse Practitioner (but not likely).

Today, I’m one step closer to that goal.